Have you ever had one of those days that just doesn’t want to end? I recently experienced one of those days. It wasn’t necessarily extraordinary. Sure, the sky was the most stunning blue I’ve ever seen, the air was crisp, and the leaves were just beginning to change. But after that, the day felt pretty ordinary. I spent the morning picking up dog poop in the yard, mowing the lawn, doing laundry, connecting with my family and friends, and watching football. When I glanced at the clock, I thought, “Wait, how is it already 6:00? Slow down, Sunday. I don’t want to say goodbye yet.”
And then I started thinking about the recent Tuesday I had. Honestly, it was an absolutely miserable day. It was dark, gloomy, and rained all day long, and on a day when I had meetings and appointments that kept me in the car and on the go for about 8 hours. As I was finally driving home, I passed a Crumbl cookie store and thought that if I ever deserved a giant sugary cookie, today was surely the day. But I had just committed myself to going sugar-free until the holidays. In the end, I didn’t stop at Crumbl, but not because of willpower. You see, there was no way I was going to get out of the car to get wet one more time that day. In fact, all I could think was, “How is it only 5:30? Why can’t it be bedtime now!”
As I reflected more on both of these days, I realized there must be a common thread between them. And then it hit me: they are both driven by the same psychological force—hope. And these two completely different days suggested to me that there are two kinds of hope: one says, "Please let this last," and the other says, "Please let this pass." Let me try to explain my thinking.
The way we perceive time is deeply emotional. When life feels full and we are meeting our goals and feeling connected, we want to savor it. We want more. But when we are struggling, feeling disconnected, sick, and tired of getting rained on, we seek relief. We want less. If you think about it, both of these reactions reveal something about hope.
When we don’t want the day to end, hope is realized. We’re living in a moment that feels good and satisfies most (or maybe all) of our needs. For me, it was the need to be outdoors and connect with nature (yes, even the dog poop), to be productive, and to spend time with my family and friends. That day, it felt like hope had come true, and I wanted to hold on.
That moment of believing that “tomorrow will be better” captures the essence of what psychologists call hope. According to psychologists, hope is the belief that we will inevitably find the path to meet our goals and will also be motivated to pursue them. In other words, if we have a clear (ish) plan for tomorrow and we have the energy and will to achieve that goal, we have hope. If you think about it, we can see hope in both joy and struggle; in good days and in bad days. During the good days, hope reminds us to “stay here; this is what is possible.” And during the bad days, hope tells us to “keep going; something else is possible.”
As much as I want the good days to persist and the bad ones to end early, I have come to believe that both days are essential to human existence. If we didn’t have the bad days, would we appreciate the good ones as much? If I didn’t ache for dry clothes and a warm bed, would I really appreciate it when I finally got both?
So, maybe the goal isn't to cling to the days we love and rush through the ones we don’t really care about. Instead, maybe we should pause and think about what both kinds of days reveal about hope.
What am I hoping for today?
What am I hoping from today?
Because, really, every sunny Sunday and every gloomy Tuesday are part of the same forecast, and both remind us that hope is what keeps us moving forward.